Ashes to Ashes

I heard Mr. Woman say that Mr. Desh is coming back tomorrow. I know it won't be the real Mr Desh because he's gone to the Rainbow Bridge because he doesn't have to spend any calories there. Apparently Mr Desh is going to help Shima grow a hazel tree when we go to Hootsmonland, wherever that is. Mr Desh will like that because he likes eating plants because they don't run away. Me, I like chasing bugs because it's exciting and they enjoy playing being pounced on and then afterwards Mr Man and Mr Woman can feed them to Rodney.

Rodney scares me. Sometimes I see him looking at me and opening his mouth. Even Mr Desh's mouth wasn't as big as Rodney's mouth and Rodney can fly.

Tired now. Been working hard in the mornings. I know Mr Man and Mr Woman are still really upset about Mr Desh and I've made it my job to get up as soon as it's light and go into the bedroom and let them know I'm still here to look after them so they have nothing to worry about. I even pat them on the face sometimes just to make them feel better. That's how big and strong I am. I do miss Mr Desh though. Still, apparently when we go to Hootsmonland I'll meet my Uncle Sydney. I didn't know I had an Uncle Sydney. I wonder if likes playing Marmalise.

Goodbye, beautiful.

A break in the blog, to say goodbye.

Magnificent cat. The happiest, most peaceful and blissed cat we ever knew.
You are loved.

Adfor et gaudete

Deshar - March 18, 2008

Ash, if you mention the Rainbow Bridge don't imagine I won't find a way to cuff you.

To you all, goodbye now.

Taught Alarm Cat all he knows

Grammar Cat

See Ash, there are still some cats out there who prize notions such as grammar and using all the vowels.

Taking precautions

"Agent Orange" reporting from the field. Have taken cover in a protective place. Strange things happened last night. The earth moved. At first I thought it was Ash's hurdies making the ground shake - that cat can pack away a lot of food into those inflatable hurdies of his - but no, it was something far more mysterious. I suspect that it is to do with this mysterious "Edinburgh" project that the humans are working on. It seems to require them to drink copious amounts of that red stuff they call wine and to hang around the door asking passers-by if they want to view the house. I mean, these passers-by aren't blind so presumably they can view the house without problem.

It's a conspiracy. It has something to do with tartan, the kind of mystery meat products that even I would think twice about eating and much chanting of the mantra "Donal, wurz yer troosers?" Don't know what the language is but I suspect it's related to "cthulhu phatgn" and "Ia, Ia Shubniggurath."

I tell you, something's going on.

"Agent Orange" signing off.

Rodney speaks

When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

Rodney

Fear is the mother of morality.

We are the guppy cloud

Very, very nervous guppy cloud.
We sing a song of "wtf?!?"
We are the guppy cloud
We fight monsters!!1!
brave, brave, brave
is the guppy cloud.

It is strange

Mr Desh is right. It is all neat and tidy around here. Normally I'm the only one who is neat and tidy because I like to sit perfectly, all lined up and then I rub onions in my eyes to make them glisten and Mr. Woman feeds me lots and lots of hammm!!1! and everything else but now everything's neat. Even Mr. Desh got brushed yesterday.

Source of knowledge

I'm going to ask Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat knows everything. I don't know what mass toe beating is because I don't have toes but Mr Man has an itchy foot so I bet that's related somehow. I was going to ask the humans in the bedroom yesterday evening but Mr. Desh stopped me and covered my eyes. Mr. Desh is strange sometimes.

Must be vigilant

They've taken the delicious red flowers and replaced them with this. Everything's neat and tidy. Too neat. Too tidy.

Mysterious

Although the cat of little brain is usually needlessly alarmed by the smallest thing - I mean what is it about him and his fear of long skirts? What is all that about? Being scared of long skirts and living with "Mr Woman" is up there with living in Edinburgh and not liking the cold but I digress, something unusual is happening. I had to spend ages today watching two strangers in the backyard through the secret cat flap that only Ash and I know about. Once they had finished making an awful racket there was this strange, new, white door blocking my path to the adventure playground and outside toilet next door. Very strange. Why do the humans want me to climb walls and why do they keep tidying me away. Soon as I get into a good, comfortable heap of legs some other cushion or bed or blanket disappears. Something's going on, all the walls are whiter and strange, tall men insist on patting me on the head.

I have a bad feeling about this. Better stock up on the calories. Change is coming, Ash.

Hoots mon?

Mr Desh, why is there a thing on the house?
Mr Desh, why is everything so neat and tidy in here?
Mr Desh, why do they keep hiding our cat toys? Don't they want to play with us any more?
Mr Desh, why do people keep coming round and measuring things?
Mr Desh why did you eat all three of my breakfasts yesterday? Is that why you couldn't move?
Mr. Desh, why does Mr. Man keep practicising saying "hoots mon?"
Mr Desh, what is a mon?
Mr Desh, why ow! Mr De ow! Mr Desh, why are you going out of the catflap?
Mr Desh. Mr Desh! MR DESH!!!

Oh noes! I'm being squeezed again!