The special cat club

Me and Mr Indy are in the special cat club now. The special cat club doesn't let any tiny, round-eyed, black & white cats in. Only cats in the special cat club get to sleep next to each and be BFFs.

So there!

stix n stairz n pillz

I think Mr and Ms Man must be planning on leaving me behind again. Auntie Annie came around to the house last night and tried to tempt me with a swan feather. Last time before they left, Auntie Joy came around. She had whacks in her ear so didn't hear me asking to be let out nice early. By the time the Mans had come back I was all meeped out.

Now it sounds like Auntie Annie is going to be visiting while the Mans go and do fun things without me. How can they do fun things without me? That's not possible! They keep trying though. It's almost as if they don't love me, poor little Ash all abandoned and cold. Anyway, apparently Auntie Annie can do wrecky and healing magic for cats. Ms Man does washing magic because the takes all the dirty clothes and makes them all clean and pressed without Mr Man ever noticing. I see him peering at the washing machine sometimes trying to figure out how Ms Man's magic works.

I don't think I need any healing magic though apparently Mr Indy's blue pills are magic because they make him breathe hard then his tail sticks in the air and he starts to chase me around the house and up and down the stairs. The new house has stairs and stix on the stairs. That makes me happy.

Also my hero

I've not just been watching teevee but I've also been learning how to things on teh intertoobz. I reckon I could teach Simon's cat a few tricks though.

TV is great

Mr Man and Mr woman like to watch TV sometimes. They like someone called David Attenburrow, but Mr Man finds his programmes so interesting he has to close his eyes and think about the programme for a long time.

I like Mr Attenburrow's programmes too. Sometimes they have bears in them but mostly they don't. Here's me learning about insects. I like insects. I like the crunchy wrapping.

Out in the cold

Mr Man's out in the cold. At least, I think that's what's happening. It's a bit hard to understand him right now. He keeps sniffing and sneezing and Ms Man made chicken soup - for him! Not me!

When I get left out in the cold, I let Mr Man and Ms Man know they've accidentally shut me out by telling them I'm outside, as loudly as I can. Mr Man, though, can't speak very loudly at all just now so maybe that's why he'd out in the cold? I wish Mr Indy could speak. I'm sure he understands all this, but he never says anything.

It's all very confusing.

Ms Man says Mr Man has a man-cold, and he's invited some germs over for a while. Germs? Is Hitler cat coming to stay?

Confused

OK so the last few months have been very confusing. First Mr Man took to wearing a skirt. That was odd and I tell you I got real shock the first time I looked up. Gave me nightmares afterwards; no wonder they took me and Mr Desh to have THAT operated on. Shudder.

Then both of them kept telling me that joy was coming to the flat and they were leaving me. Leaving me! How could they do that! Mind you, at least I didn't have to worry about Mr Man and that strange dangly furry thing he started wearing. It was so white and fluffy that Indy kept checking his tail to make sure nothing was being nicked.

And then they did leave me. With Anti-Joy. Deaf Anti-Joy who couldn't hear me when I kept trying to tell her that I was locked in the living room and it was 4 o'clock and I needed first breakfast.

Then to top it all, they came back without a word of explanation and now apparently Mr Woman is Ms Man. I haven't been able to blog since because my head hurts so much that I have to sleep in order to have deep thoughts. Just like Mr Man.

Letting the wrong one in

This is me in watch cat mode. Mr Man has been complaining ever since those nice men came in and took away some of his stuff and some of Mr Woman's stuff too. Kept saying Indy and I were supposed to fight off someone called Berg Lurrs. Mr Indy says that this Berg person might be Swedish. The men didn't say their name but they did take away the IKEA bag and Indy says that's Swedish.


Indy knows lots of things due to his time in the war. He doesn't talk much about it. Actually he doesn't talk much about anything due to not being able to talk but he does mime and lashes his tail a lot to make his point. But anyway he mimes that when he was in the war before I knew him he had all sort of secret missions but then lost his memory. All he has left is a dog tag with "Weapon I" on it. I would have thought it would have been a cat tag but he's never let me see it. I would like a cat tag, especially if it was glittery and shiny like Mr Woman's finger.

Think I'll go to sleep now. Out of practice with blogging and it's making me tired and I think I've forgotten what I was going to write about.

My Big Furry Friend

This is me and Mr Indy hanging out together. You can see the way he likes to look all big and fluffy and how much he likes to chill with me. He still doesn't talk much, due to the "war wounds" and the humans do give him lots of pretty coloured pills as well as the special face mask thing. They never give me pills. Mr Indy keeps offering to let me have some; sometimes he holds onto them in his cheek pockets for ages and leaves them for me. They never taste too good by that point but I don't mind because it just proves how much Mr Indy likes me.

Though sometimes his head bobbles and his eyes get all wide then I have to hide because he attacks the house.

Ash reporting in

It's cold and snowy out there. No way is it fit for a cat of my sensy, sensya um me. And Mr Man and Mr Woman are making it hard for me to blog because they keep going off and doing things and making something they call a "wedding blog."


I've no idea how anything can be more important than helping me blog. I might have to give that some deep thought on Mr Man's academic chair. Mr Man always thinks best when his eyes are closed so there's no distractions and as Mr Man is the brainiest human in the universe then I better copy him.

Oh and Mr Indy's back on his fat pills. He keeps waddling all over the place taking about water retention and how he would give Felix a good thumping if only he could squeeze out of the window.

That's all for now. Back to thinking. Ash signing out.

Catching up

I haven't been doing much blogging for a while and I have been told I better catch up. I've been too busy getting into television so here's some photos.

This is Indy. He's still my bestest friend though he doesn't do much these days. He has to keep going to see his German friend at the Dick Vet. Each time he comes back he has a new hair cut as well. It's not fair. The humans don't take me for pampering like that. Anyway, he doesn't like having his photo taken because he's not as photwhatsit as me.


And this is Jiminy. He lives next door and I don't think he's very clever. Not like Scamp - she's brainy.

Proof!

They all said I was mad to wait by the curtains all those times but I knew my mother was there all along.

It's in black and white

This koo business is starting to confuse me and, I'll have you know, I'm not easily confused. You see my humans went to see a koo so I thought they were bringing back a friend for Mr Indy. But this koo is black and white.
Apparently it's a Ger Man as well and not a kuh at all. Scamp, my friend from outside who fancies me said "ceci n'est-pas un kuh" because she's really brainy. Thing is, if it's a Ger Man then Mr Indy will like it because he it will remind of him of Anita vet. Then again it's black and white like evil Hitler cat so Mr Indy will have to fight it! What's a little cat to think?

Credit crunch?

Are Mr Man and Mr Woman getting desperate? I've heard them talking about the credit crunch, but I think that sounds biscuity and delicious, and it makes me hungry. I hope they're not going to run out of money. I've heard Mr Man threatening to buy cheap Tesco cat food, but Mr Woman won't let him.




He did pimp me on teh interwebs though. And now he's pimping Deshar! He'll never pimp Mr Indy, though. He's not flexible enough to turn upside down.

Flat out!

Mr Man says Mr Woman has been pimping me around teh intertoobz at something called "Upside down kitties." Mr Man says that I have to earn my keep and if the only way I can bring home a crust is by lying on my back then that's how it'll have to be. Don't really understand why I should bring home a crust. I have brought home pork chops, blue sponges and silver balls in the past but they never seemed to want one of them.

Humans are strange sometimes.

I guess I better tell you that they took Mr Indy away in the pink cage again! Nooooo! Luckily they brought him back. He didn't say much afterwards but then he never does. His breathing has been a little funny though. Apparently Mr Woman took some pictures of Mister Indy in Dundy. I could have sworn he was in the house all along though.

Supercat!

This is me being faster than a speeding bullet and able to leap small objects in a single bound!

Mister indy!

What have you been doing? I don't know what to think anymore.

Carpet muncher

Tweet this way!

I've been getting loads of new furry friends on twitter. I don't exactly know what twitter is though Mr Desh once explained that it's a place where lots of sock puppets hang out so I would fit right in. Mr Desh liked saying brainy things like that that made my head spin. He could even do hay-koo. Apparently Mr Woman says hello to koos too whenever she goes to Dundy. I've never seen a koo in real life, unless you count Mr Indy of course. He doesn't have horns but otherwise he's quite close.

I think I must have lots of friends because I'm beautiful and talented and modest. See, that's me being fierce in order to scare off nasty black and white cat. Of course he wasn't actually there, or anywhere near there, at the time but that was just lucky for him.

Oh, Mr Man said I need to explain what I mean about Mr Indy and koos so I took this photo to help explain.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know I'm fabulous but it's always nice to hear it and, while you're at it, tell my humans that they keep accidentally locking me into the living room at night. I wouldn't mind but Mr Indy does snore something awful and sometimes he goes a bit mad and attacks the carpet. He says there's a monster beneath it but that's only because he's trying to scare me and I don't scare easily. I ain't afraid of no ghost.

Mother?!

Mr Woman's gone strange. I think she might be my mother after all. She's very furry and she doesn't like cold any more than I do. Don't know where her tail is though. Maybe she lost some of it because Mr Man often says that she's a great bit bit of tail. Wonder what happened to the rest of it?