Goodbye, beautiful.

A break in the blog, to say goodbye.

Magnificent cat. The happiest, most peaceful and blissed cat we ever knew.
You are loved.

Adfor et gaudete

Deshar - March 18, 2008

Ash, if you mention the Rainbow Bridge don't imagine I won't find a way to cuff you.

To you all, goodbye now.

Grammar Cat

See Ash, there are still some cats out there who prize notions such as grammar and using all the vowels.

Must be vigilant

They've taken the delicious red flowers and replaced them with this. Everything's neat and tidy. Too neat. Too tidy.

Mysterious

Although the cat of little brain is usually needlessly alarmed by the smallest thing - I mean what is it about him and his fear of long skirts? What is all that about? Being scared of long skirts and living with "Mr Woman" is up there with living in Edinburgh and not liking the cold but I digress, something unusual is happening. I had to spend ages today watching two strangers in the backyard through the secret cat flap that only Ash and I know about. Once they had finished making an awful racket there was this strange, new, white door blocking my path to the adventure playground and outside toilet next door. Very strange. Why do the humans want me to climb walls and why do they keep tidying me away. Soon as I get into a good, comfortable heap of legs some other cushion or bed or blanket disappears. Something's going on, all the walls are whiter and strange, tall men insist on patting me on the head.

I have a bad feeling about this. Better stock up on the calories. Change is coming, Ash.

Tell me something I don't know

Yes, "Mr Man" I am perfectly aware that my bed has fallen over. I'm sure it would be awfully "cute" if you didn't have to sleep in it all afternoon. I mean, if you want to do something that is actually useful with those handy-dandy opposable thumbs of yours that you think so highly of then...
...sigh...
why even bother?

Do you want me to go and chase some shiny lights for you now?

Being me

Cat of little brain has headed off to the safety step, the humans are busy "getting clean" (what an odd concept) and I haven't been bothered by either of the ginger tarts for ages. Finally I can get on with doing what I do best. Bliss.

Why me?

So there I was minding my own business, getting some downtime and preserving my calories when, of course, cat of little brain had to but in. Is it so much to ask for just a little peace and quiet. I mean, I had even managed to find a nicely fragrant chair to spread my glorious fur upon and whammo up comes Ash. He may look little but he's "solid" in a Ray Winstone way. Goodness only knows how he managed to perch on the edge. Then, to make the morning complete, here comes "Mr. Man" to flash bright lights in my eyes.

Sheesh. If I weren't an atheist I would think that god hates me.

Before anyone says anything

No, Ash, I am not a "neandercat". I am not "flame-haired", "ginger" or "orange." I am, technically, a very rare mix of honey and cinnamon. And no, you're not an neandercat either. They were quite highly evolved.

As things ought to be

For once the humans are treating me properly. Shoulder position allows me to move from A to B with minimal calorie expenditure.

This is a good thing.

There is hope!

I had begun to think that there were no other intelligent cats in the world, that perhaps they were all like Ash, that everywhere one turned there would be ktpsk and cutesy stuff and the rainbow bridge. All I wanted was the occasional incisive comment and a healthy dose of sarcasm. I tried explaining sarcasm to Ash once but there wasn't enough glitter involved and he wandered off half-way through the fourth word. sigh.

Then, today, I discovered Psycho Kitty. OK, it's not a promising name but I think I've finally found someone who tells it like it is. Someone who also has endure what I have to endure. He has humans who feed him erratically and an annoying cat that the female coos over day and night.

The squirrels look crunchy too.

The only thing that confuses me is his reference to a "massive manhood." Tiddles always used to go on about his massive manhood until after his trip to the "vet". Then he started to collect pink ribbons instead. All very strange.

Paws crossed for Mr Man

Mr Woman has sent all our good luck away, so we're hiding, in case something bad happens while we're not looking. She says Mr Man needs it all today and we've to keep our paws crossed for him. Will this do? We just want Mr Man to come home again. He's coming home with a pee itch dee. Does he really want one of those? It sounds sore.

Maybe he's at the vet again.

Good Luck, Mr Man!

Correcting the facts

I don't know what cat of little brain means. That "Pumpkin" is nothing like me. You won't find me rolling around the floor. I'm a lean, mean hunting machine. I haven't got time for such fripperies. And I'm nowhere near "ginger."

OK. Who's playing silly buggers? I'll have you know that that photo is unfair.
Oh. What's that? Is it? Yes it is. It's a kat tickler. Excuse me, no time left to blog. Must chase. Chase! Chase!!!

PS
There's nothing worse than pedantic humans who insist that "kat tikkler" is spelt with three k's. Bad enough having to type "kat". I will not surrender my principles! Zero tolerance for grammatical mistake's! Thats what I say.

PPS. The apostrophe errors were deliberate.

PPPS. No Ash. I do not have time to explain what an apostrophe is. Just be happy that it's not your mother, it has nothing to do with "stix" and, no you are not "smallish." There is no ish. Happy now?

PPPPS. If the male human considers some sort of catastrophe/apostrophe pun for even a second, I will cuff him.

The pills are back.

Tricky blogging at the moment; the humans have got me back on the grow bigger pills. Paws getting big. Body getting big. Hungry. Too hungry to blog! Must eat now.

Somedays, it's good to be me.

 

Excuse me!

Hello humans! I hate to complain but, this blog is called "Ash and Deshar." Now, admittedly I never wanted to get involved in such foolishness as "cat blogging" and, even if I did, it would have made more sense to call it "Deshar and Ash" but, nonetheless, it is named after us.

So what's with all this blogging from fishworld? What's so interesting about a bunch of shrimps that never stop eating and a bunch of guppies who sing all night long keeping me awake? Heck, I came in today, and you had moved my chair so that you could sit and watch fish while me, me, I had to move somewhere else. Do you know how many extra calories that cost me? Sheesh!

And as for little Ash, poor little Ash, he wanders around aimlessly all day, meeping sorrowfully and what do you do about it? Nothing! I remember the days when "Mr Woman" would drop everything at even the hint of a meep and now, what does she do, wave her hand and say "fah." What did that sweet, adorable, abandoned little cat ever do to deserve that?

*Sniff* You're so right Mr. Desh! I'm going to go and curl myself into the littlest, little ball on a stair somewhere and dream of the days when Mr. Woman used to love me. It's so sad.

See what you've done to that poor, mournful cat?

Hey! Is that pea soup I smell? It is isn't it. Ash! Come here! Do the big eyed-pleading thing! We must have more pea soup! Must get it before Mr. Man drinks it all. Lovely pea soup. Purr! Nice humans! Feed me! Purry happy Deshar loves you.

Merging

Oh, for the love of Darwin. I had noticed a general falling-off of the female's sensibility lately. Forgetting things, losing things, keener to play with sticks than Ash, even. I have overheard the male human of the house commenting that she appears to be merging with Ash. This has been confirmed. She has just completed a second find out which lolcat you are test and the results speak for themselves. Two weeks ago she was serious cat. The male human was ceiling cat:


Today, though, she is


Hope is abandoned. All sense is lost. I may as well fling my tail in the air and chase oxygen molecules in public...

Oy!

I was not looking at the pretty flowers. Who do you think I am? Ash? No. I was ... assessing their potential as a place to hide a ginger honey and cinnamon stealth cat.

Rainy sunday

You can tell that Ash is bored. He's just pestered me into watching this 10 times.

I mean it's only a cat playing the piano. Our neighbour can do that and he's a dog. Me, I can sleep for hours without moving. Just think of the calories that that saves. Now that's talented.

Taking over the world

 

What are we going to do when we get outside Mr. Desh?
What we do every night, Ash. Take over the world.