It isn't easy being an only cat

I have to work so hard that I'm tired out now. The problem is, you see, that ever since Mr. Desh went away Mr Man and Mr Woman are very upset and have become very forgetful. I do love them but they're not really all that clever. You wouldn't believe how long it takes them to understand the simplest things I'm trying to say. Sometimes I have to repeat myself over and over for ages!!!1!

So, since Mr Desh had gone I worked extra hard as an alarm cat to make sure they didn't miss their work. Every morning at 4am, even before the sun came up, I would go into the bedroom and tell them that they didn't have long before the alarm went off and when that didn't work - it never did, Mr Man would always pretend to be asleep rather but he didn't fool me - I would have to jump on the bed and poke them in the face over and over and over. Daft Mr Man and Mr Woman! What's more, they kept accidentally closing the cat door so I couldn't get out.

Then a few days later they kept forgetting to open the bedroom door all night so I had to shout extra loud and knock at the door until Mr Woman came out. Mr Woman always come out. I think Mr Man must have hearing problems.

Then you know what? Now they keep accidentally locking me in the living room at night!!!1! I mean, come on. I know they aren't the smartest stix in the bundle but that takes the biscuit. I have to really, really shout now until Mr Woman comes down. If I don't shout then they'll miss work and they wouldn't like that. But it does tire me out. It's hard work shouting so loud for so long and then I have to play with them in the morning and pretend to chase the flying mouse.

Is it any wonder I'm so tired?

By the way, before I get back to sleep, does anyone out there know where Hootsmonland is? Mr Man keeps saying Uncle Sidney's there and "he'll soon teach Ash the meaning of 'no'." Except I know what no means it means "in a minute." Unless Mr Woman says it and then it means "in a few seconds." I don't think I'll ever understand my humans.

I heard Mr Man mentioning putting a collar on me #2

Since Mr Desh isn't here anymore, I've been making enough noise for two, just so Mr Man and Mr Woman don't get lonely. And I've been bringing them presents - I found a birdie yesterday but Mr Man took it away and then let it go and then started talking about a collar for me. I remember Mr Desh getting a collar with bells on - can I have one of those, plz? A pink one? With sparkles? ooooooooooooooooooooooooooocanIpleasepleasepleaseI'll
bringyoubirdieseverydayifyoudooooooooooooo

I heard Mr Man mentioning putting a collar on me

Ashes to Ashes

I heard Mr. Woman say that Mr. Desh is coming back tomorrow. I know it won't be the real Mr Desh because he's gone to the Rainbow Bridge because he doesn't have to spend any calories there. Apparently Mr Desh is going to help Shima grow a hazel tree when we go to Hootsmonland, wherever that is. Mr Desh will like that because he likes eating plants because they don't run away. Me, I like chasing bugs because it's exciting and they enjoy playing being pounced on and then afterwards Mr Man and Mr Woman can feed them to Rodney.

Rodney scares me. Sometimes I see him looking at me and opening his mouth. Even Mr Desh's mouth wasn't as big as Rodney's mouth and Rodney can fly.

Tired now. Been working hard in the mornings. I know Mr Man and Mr Woman are still really upset about Mr Desh and I've made it my job to get up as soon as it's light and go into the bedroom and let them know I'm still here to look after them so they have nothing to worry about. I even pat them on the face sometimes just to make them feel better. That's how big and strong I am. I do miss Mr Desh though. Still, apparently when we go to Hootsmonland I'll meet my Uncle Sydney. I didn't know I had an Uncle Sydney. I wonder if likes playing Marmalise.