Tell me something I don't know

Yes, "Mr Man" I am perfectly aware that my bed has fallen over. I'm sure it would be awfully "cute" if you didn't have to sleep in it all afternoon. I mean, if you want to do something that is actually useful with those handy-dandy opposable thumbs of yours that you think so highly of then...
...sigh...
why even bother?

Do you want me to go and chase some shiny lights for you now?

Better than chikkun!!1!

Hammmm!!!1!!11!!!

OMG. The humans had hammm today and I got some. Hammm is the best thing in the world. It's pink and it's meat! When I hang from Mr. Woman's waist with all my claws she screams in delight and feeds me even more hammm. Hammm is best when you can put more in your mouth while you're still eating some other hammm. I could eat hammm for ever.

I'm very tired now though. Mr. Man lifted me off the safety step after he said something about breaking his "fricking" neck. Didn't know he had one of those. Maybe that's why his voice is all funny and squeaky and he smells of "Tee Sea Pee". Now I'm curled up in a corner at the top of the stairs and feeling all pink on the inside.

I love hammm! Nearly as much as Mr Woman but Mr Woman feeds me lots of hammm so I have to love her more. She does pick me up and squeeze me a lot and call me "little cat" but that's ok because I get more hammm that way.

Being me

Cat of little brain has headed off to the safety step, the humans are busy "getting clean" (what an odd concept) and I haven't been bothered by either of the ginger tarts for ages. Finally I can get on with doing what I do best. Bliss.

Behind the curtain

Back when I was just a little cat, Mr. Desh once said to me "it looks like it's curtains for your mother," just a couple of days before she disappeared. I always wondered what he meant by that then, yesterday, I found these curtains and when I shove my head deep into them it's like I can still smell her. So now I go and sit in them and burrow in to them and soon, I'm sure, soon she'll be back. My mother!