Not just Ash and Deshar

Opus d'art

2010-01-17T15:16:00.001Z

This is me doing performance art; it's my impressionist phase. They don't call me Opus for nothing you know.

I don't need no special cat club!

2010-01-06T22:36:00.001Z

They think they're so special, those two. I have a featherstick of my very own, and my own human to fetch it back upstairs for me. How special am I?

The special cat club

2010-01-06T16:32:00.001Z

Me and Mr Indy are in the special cat club now. The special cat club doesn't let any tiny, round-eyed, black & white cats in. Only cats in the special cat club get to sleep next to each and be BFFs.

So there!

No-one loves me!

2010-01-05T17:17:00.004Z

Well, the humans love me. I can do laps, and I like being picked up. That, apparently, makes me sort of unusual around here - maybe that's why the other two cats here hiss and glare at me so much. I try to be friendly and I do my round-eyed thing at them, but it doesn't seem to work so well on cats as it does on people.

I do kind of miss the house-party I came from. There were LOADS of other cats there and we used to sleep in a big warm heap. The house-party was called a rescue centre but it felt like a party to me. New cats arriving all the time and then some of the ones who'd been at the party for ages would vanish. I guess I've vanished now. Have I been rescued now? Or was that before? I'm kind of confused.

Oh well. At least the cuddling's good here. And I have a bed to myself - I get the very top bunk. I've always wanted that one.

Maybe the others will love me tomorrow.

It could be worse

2010-01-05T16:54:00.000Z

You know, there's just one thing in the world worse than being outside in the snow. That's being inside with a pesky, round-eyed kitten that wants to be your friend.

Everybody loves me!

2010-01-04T19:41:00.000Z

Everyone's happy now because I'm here! I chase things!! I purr! I sit on laps! I love everyone and everyone loves me because I'm Petie!!!

I does laps

2010-01-02T22:11:00.000Z

stix n stairz n pillz

2009-12-10T19:57:00.001Z

I think Mr and Ms Man must be planning on leaving me behind again. Auntie Annie came around to the house last night and tried to tempt me with a swan feather. Last time before they left, Auntie Joy came around. She had whacks in her ear so didn't hear me asking to be let out nice early. By the time the Mans had come back I was all meeped out.

Now it sounds like Auntie Annie is going to be visiting while the Mans go and do fun things without me. How can they do fun things without me? That's not possible! They keep trying though. It's almost as if they don't love me, poor little Ash all abandoned and cold. Anyway, apparently Auntie Annie can do wrecky and healing magic for cats. Ms Man does washing magic because the takes all the dirty clothes and makes them all clean and pressed without Mr Man ever noticing. I see him peering at the washing machine sometimes trying to figure out how Ms Man's magic works.

I don't think I need any healing magic though apparently Mr Indy's blue pills are magic because they make him breathe hard then his tail sticks in the air and he starts to chase me around the house and up and down the stairs. The new house has stairs and stix on the stairs. That makes me happy.

Also my hero

2009-11-23T13:45:00.000Z

I've not just been watching teevee but I've also been learning how to things on teh intertoobz. I reckon I could teach Simon's cat a few tricks though.

TV is great

2009-11-21T08:01:00.003Z

Mr Man and Mr woman like to watch TV sometimes. They like someone called David Attenburrow, but Mr Man finds his programmes so interesting he has to close his eyes and think about the programme for a long time.

I like Mr Attenburrow's programmes too. Sometimes they have bears in them but mostly they don't. Here's me learning about insects. I like insects. I like the crunchy wrapping.

Signed off

2009-10-14T08:29:00.004+01:00

Back from my fan club. Five of them this time. They prodded me, poked me, picked me up and shouted "Indy boy" in my ear, stuck cold things in unmentionable places and generally adored me. Still, at least they didn't try to stick in needles in me and I overheard them saying that I was being signed off the sick so I guess it's back to work for me. No more being driven around in a cage while "Ms Man" makes grinding noises and explains that she would "never buy a kia." Cat of little brain keeps insisting that Ms Man buys from Ikea all the time and much though I've tried to explain the difference between a Swedish shop and a korean car, he doesn't really get it.

Out in the cold

2009-09-27T21:22:00.003+01:00

Mr Man's out in the cold. At least, I think that's what's happening. It's a bit hard to understand him right now. He keeps sniffing and sneezing and Ms Man made chicken soup - for him! Not me!

When I get left out in the cold, I let Mr Man and Ms Man know they've accidentally shut me out by telling them I'm outside, as loudly as I can. Mr Man, though, can't speak very loudly at all just now so maybe that's why he'd out in the cold? I wish Mr Indy could speak. I'm sure he understands all this, but he never says anything.

It's all very confusing.

Ms Man says Mr Man has a man-cold, and he's invited some germs over for a while. Germs? Is Hitler cat coming to stay?

Goodbye Bob

2009-09-12T08:36:00.001+01:00

Bob was a neighbourhood character. Big-boned, extravagantly fluffy and not all there. Ash would spend hours watching him through the window and half the world petted him as they passed by the house. Sadly Bob fell victim to yet another car driver who couldn't be bothered to stop.

Bob will be missed by many around here.

Confused

2009-09-09T20:29:00.001+01:00

OK so the last few months have been very confusing. First Mr Man took to wearing a skirt. That was odd and I tell you I got real shock the first time I looked up. Gave me nightmares afterwards; no wonder they took me and Mr Desh to have THAT operated on. Shudder.

Then both of them kept telling me that joy was coming to the flat and they were leaving me. Leaving me! How could they do that! Mind you, at least I didn't have to worry about Mr Man and that strange dangly furry thing he started wearing. It was so white and fluffy that Indy kept checking his tail to make sure nothing was being nicked.

And then they did leave me. With Anti-Joy. Deaf Anti-Joy who couldn't hear me when I kept trying to tell her that I was locked in the living room and it was 4 o'clock and I needed first breakfast.

Then to top it all, they came back without a word of explanation and now apparently Mr Woman is Ms Man. I haven't been able to blog since because my head hurts so much that I have to sleep in order to have deep thoughts. Just like Mr Man.

Letting the wrong one in

2009-05-13T16:11:00.002+01:00

This is me in watch cat mode. Mr Man has been complaining ever since those nice men came in and took away some of his stuff and some of Mr Woman's stuff too. Kept saying Indy and I were supposed to fight off someone called Berg Lurrs. Mr Indy says that this Berg person might be Swedish. The men didn't say their name but they did take away the IKEA bag and Indy says that's Swedish.

Indy knows lots of things due to his time in the war. He doesn't talk much about it. Actually he doesn't talk much about anything due to not being able to talk but he does mime and lashes his tail a lot to make his point. But anyway he mimes that when he was in the war before I knew him he had all sort of secret missions but then lost his memory. All he has left is a dog tag with "Weapon I" on it. I would have thought it would have been a cat tag but he's never let me see it. I would like a cat tag, especially if it was glittery and shiny like Mr Woman's finger.

Think I'll go to sleep now. Out of practice with blogging and it's making me tired and I think I've forgotten what I was going to write about.

A word from our sponsors

2009-04-30T20:53:00.004+01:00

Well, ok, they're not our sponsors but a quick comment about Pet Plan insurance.

When we got Indy from the SSPCA he came with 6 weeks insurance from Pet Plan which could be extended into a full policy. At the time we didn't pay much attention to that fact. Like a lot of people we had a vague theory that we would simply save enough to pay a few hundred quid for any vet bills. Like a lot of people, we had the impression that pet insurance was basically a huge scam that rarely paid out and even when it did so, the excess was so high that it was meaningless.

How wrong we were and how close we were to costing Indy in his life. About 4 weeks into having him he was struck down by a life-threatening illness - pyothorax. He ended being rushed into the "Dick Vet" (Royal "Dick" Vetinarary School). It was touch and go but he survived after many days in an oygen tent and a lot of intense follow-up treatment. Even now he still gets his twice-daily puffer and is likely to do so for life. Our poor, if inordinantly fluffy, cat is a "respiratory cripple."

Because we had cover and it could be extended, the insurance paid all of the fees and continues to pay for his follow-up treatment and subsequent complications. Because we have a decent policy with life time condition and annual budget, we are confident that we can deal with whatever might happen to him. He's been through at least three lives that we know of already.

Thing is, Pet Plan didn't just do the minimum. A few months after we extended his policy into a full yearly one, we received, unasked for, a refund cheque for one of the excesses. The letter said that although it was technically correct to ask for an excess for each "year," they felt the events were so close together that it wouldn't be fair to charge us the excess twice. So they took the initiative to refund one of them.

We pay about a tenner a month for Indy's policy and we don't begrudge a penny. So far his treatment has cost in the region of £5,000 and the insurers have paid out for it. Without insurance we could not have afforded the treatment. Indy can't speak but we can. Insurance companies get a bad press but in this case, this company has come up trumps and we both believe that if a company does something to be praised, it should be praised.

Remarkable

2009-03-29T11:54:00.001+01:00

Remarkably enough I have enjoyed more than an hour without being made to eat a pill, drink the yellow milk or even being puffed. If only the little, grey pest wasn't hurtling around the place like a jumping bean with St Vitus' Dance, my life would be almost tolerable.

Update. I was wrong. They found something else. Held me down and doused the back of my neck with some sort of chemical. Now, everywhere I go, flies drop dead. Tried sneaking up on that fat pigeon again but it could smell me coming. Rats.

My Big Furry Friend

2009-03-22T17:21:00.002Z

This is me and Mr Indy hanging out together. You can see the way he likes to look all big and fluffy and how much he likes to chill with me. He still doesn't talk much, due to the "war wounds" and the humans do give him lots of pretty coloured pills as well as the special face mask thing. They never give me pills. Mr Indy keeps offering to let me have some; sometimes he holds onto them in his cheek pockets for ages and leaves them for me. They never taste too good by that point but I don't mind because it just proves how much Mr Indy likes me.

Though sometimes his head bobbles and his eyes get all wide then I have to hide because he attacks the house.

Ash reporting in

2009-03-01T20:52:00.006Z

It's cold and snowy out there. No way is it fit for a cat of my sensy, sensya um me. And Mr Man and Mr Woman are making it hard for me to blog because they keep going off and doing things and making something they call a "wedding blog."

I've no idea how anything can be more important than helping me blog. I might have to give that some deep thought on Mr Man's academic chair. Mr Man always thinks best when his eyes are closed so there's no distractions and as Mr Man is the brainiest human in the universe then I better copy him.

Oh and Mr Indy's back on his fat pills. He keeps waddling all over the place taking about water retention and how he would give Felix a good thumping if only he could squeeze out of the window.

That's all for now. Back to thinking. Ash signing out.

regal

2009-02-08T17:21:00.002Z

If I say so myself, I'm a mighty fine hunka hunka cat.

Catching up

2009-01-31T14:31:00.002Z

I haven't been doing much blogging for a while and I have been told I better catch up. I've been too busy getting into television so here's some photos.

This is Indy. He's still my bestest friend though he doesn't do much these days. He has to keep going to see his German friend at the Dick Vet. Each time he comes back he has a new hair cut as well. It's not fair. The humans don't take me for pampering like that. Anyway, he doesn't like having his photo taken because he's not as photwhatsit as me.

And this is Jiminy. He lives next door and I don't think he's very clever. Not like Scamp - she's brainy.

Proof!

2009-01-15T08:14:00.003Z

They all said I was mad to wait by the curtains all those times but I knew my mother was there all along.

It's in black and white

2008-12-22T19:15:00.004Z

This koo business is starting to confuse me and, I'll have you know, I'm not easily confused. You see my humans went to see a koo so I thought they were bringing back a friend for Mr Indy. But this koo is black and white.
Apparently it's a Ger Man as well and not a kuh at all. Scamp, my friend from outside who fancies me said "ceci n'est-pas un kuh" because she's really brainy. Thing is, if it's a Ger Man then Mr Indy will like it because he it will remind of him of Anita vet. Then again it's black and white like evil Hitler cat so Mr Indy will have to fight it! What's a little cat to think?

Credit crunch?

2008-12-22T16:58:00.003Z

Are Mr Man and Mr Woman getting desperate? I've heard them talking about the credit crunch, but I think that sounds biscuity and delicious, and it makes me hungry. I hope they're not going to run out of money. I've heard Mr Man threatening to buy cheap Tesco cat food, but Mr Woman won't let him.

He did pimp me on teh interwebs though. And now he's pimping Deshar! He'll never pimp Mr Indy, though. He's not flexible enough to turn upside down.

I am not a koo!

2008-12-09T21:02:00.003Z

Great! Get stuck outside all night only to find out that A.D.D. cat has me confused with a koo. He has of course never seen a koo. In fact if he got even one glimpse of a koo he would be straight on the case beneath the bed and start meeping at me to deal with it. He's all big and brave until something shows up and then it's "Mister Indy! Mister Indy! Get Hitler cat! Beat up Stubbs! Go frighten the barker!"

Don't get a moment to breathe around here.

Flat out!

2008-12-08T20:09:00.003Z

Mr Man says Mr Woman has been pimping me around teh intertoobz at something called "Upside down kitties." Mr Man says that I have to earn my keep and if the only way I can bring home a crust is by lying on my back then that's how it'll have to be. Don't really understand why I should bring home a crust. I have brought home pork chops, blue sponges and silver balls in the past but they never seemed to want one of them.

Humans are strange sometimes.

I guess I better tell you that they took Mr Indy away in the pink cage again! Nooooo! Luckily they brought him back. He didn't say much afterwards but then he never does. His breathing has been a little funny though. Apparently Mr Woman took some pictures of Mister Indy in Dundy. I could have sworn he was in the house all along though.

Supercat!

2008-11-30T19:49:00.001Z

This is me being faster than a speeding bullet and able to leap small objects in a single bound!

Mister indy!

2008-11-21T09:29:00.002Z

What have you been doing? I don't know what to think anymore.

Carpet muncher

2008-11-20T14:20:00.000Z

Tweet this way!

2008-11-11T19:44:00.005Z

I've been getting loads of new furry friends on twitter. I don't exactly know what twitter is though Mr Desh once explained that it's a place where lots of sock puppets hang out so I would fit right in. Mr Desh liked saying brainy things like that that made my head spin. He could even do hay-koo. Apparently Mr Woman says hello to koos too whenever she goes to Dundy. I've never seen a koo in real life, unless you count Mr Indy of course. He doesn't have horns but otherwise he's quite close.

I think I must have lots of friends because I'm beautiful and talented and modest. See, that's me being fierce in order to scare off nasty black and white cat. Of course he wasn't actually there, or anywhere near there, at the time but that was just lucky for him.

Oh, Mr Man said I need to explain what I mean about Mr Indy and koos so I took this photo to help explain.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know I'm fabulous but it's always nice to hear it and, while you're at it, tell my humans that they keep accidentally locking me into the living room at night. I wouldn't mind but Mr Indy does snore something awful and sometimes he goes a bit mad and attacks the carpet. He says there's a monster beneath it but that's only because he's trying to scare me and I don't scare easily. I ain't afraid of no ghost.

Mother?!

2008-11-04T15:11:00.000Z

Mr Woman's gone strange. I think she might be my mother after all. She's very furry and she doesn't like cold any more than I do. Don't know where her tail is though. Maybe she lost some of it because Mr Man often says that she's a great bit bit of tail. Wonder what happened to the rest of it?

You gotta be kiddin' me.

2008-10-21T20:15:00.005+01:00

So right, here's the skinny. The cat diseases scam backfired. Didn't get back to my fan club at the Dick Vet and now I'm having to beg for food. Gah! I keep them safe from Hitler cat and what do I get for my pains?

Anyway, speaking of food, you'll never guess what I overheard Ms Scab Remover saying yesterday? "The stair oyds'll make him hungry."

"Make him hungry"? "Make him hungry!" What on earth do they want to make me even hungrier for? I'm already hungrier than a black hole and I'm not talking about the one at the Chubster's rear end which, I'll have you know, ain't never seen no pixie dust. There's a reason I've banned him from the indoor facilities.

But back to the point? What kind of cruel, infeline creatures want to starve me? Even when they do get round to feeding me I get seasoning on the food. I sure as fuzz don't know what's in those powders but I tell you what, if they ever try to feed me "Waitrose Lamb with Mint Sauce" again I'll have something to say. I don't want no fancy, foreign rubbish. Just give me meat and jelly and lots of it. I got 2 months on the mean streets of Musselburgh to make up for and an Assma habit to maintain.

2008-10-20T08:11:00.003+01:00

Today

2008-10-20T08:04:00.001+01:00

Today I will be mostly sleeping on the nubbles.

Bugger

2008-10-16T19:13:00.001+01:00

Catdiseases.com came up with the goodies - assma. Don't exactly know what it is but apparently if I threw up on the duvet and gasped a lot then I could have assma. Easy! I did have to skip breakfast and you don't know how hard that is but when love calls you gotta make sacrifices.
And I thought it had worked.
The humans got worried and the pink cat carrier came out. The chubster skidaddled - the little fella really don't like it - and I could see Fraulein Schwarz already. Soon I would be at the Dick Vet with my fan club. No chubster to pounce on me when I'm trying to get some shut-eye, no woman picking the scabs off my head and loads of people to come around and tell me how great I am and I could sit on meine Fraulein's lap as she called me Indy Boy. Oh I love it when she calls me Indy Boy.
Then it went wrong. The male simply picked up the carrier and took me to the nearby vet. No Dick Vet for me. Just some old fella with one of them cold things that they love to stick where the fur don't grow so plush. Brrr I hate that. Then another needle in the back of the neck and I'm sent back here to the chubster and his weird forward-pointing tail. There ain't no justice.

Iz limpin'

2008-10-09T21:40:00.006+01:00

Am savin' mah energy for mah next big disease. Reckon I prob'ly need a big disease to get back to the vet school and the cute German vet who runs mah fan club. Went out tonight anyway, lookin' for Hitler Cat. Found him. Beat him up some, but he's a mean ole boy, is Hitler. Got a bit of a clobberin'. Things is different here from at the vet school. Vet school; I'da been fussed over by Anita an' Kerry. Here, I gets mah split paw dunked in a bowla water.

Iz bit sore. Iz limpin'.

Iz also kinda hungry.

I'm in love with a German film star

2008-10-07T22:38:00.002+01:00

I miss my fan club. Ain't no one around here to talk in a German accent to me. The humans do their best by calling me "Indy boy" but it's just not the same and the chubster just meeps all day. I'm off to look at catdiseases.com to see what I can get next. Gotta get back to the Dick Vet.

Faster than a speeding bullet

2008-09-21T20:12:00.002+01:00

I think I must be adopted because my mother can fly and I have superpowers too. I mean I can summon Mr Woman from anywhere on the planet and all the other cats around here are in awe of me because they all say I'm "special."

Exercising self-restraint

2008-09-17T21:49:00.003+01:00

Mr Man keeps making me watch this video and "take notes."

Aw nuts!

2008-09-17T18:11:00.001+01:00

One of these days I'm going to shove that camera somewhere that even a flash won't shine.

Just call me Mr Love

2008-09-15T16:56:00.001+01:00

Stubbs

2008-09-14T22:12:00.001+01:00

This is Stubbs. He's WEIRD!!!!1! He sits on my window sometimes but he doesn't have any friends. Except Scamp. He follows Scamp everywhere and yowls at anyone who comes close. And his eyes point in different directions. Mr Indy calls him "chubbs." Well, ok, I know Mr Indy can't speak but he mimes well. Sometimes he gets me and Stubbs' name confused and calls me "chubbs" as well but that's probably because he's not as in, ingelli, as smart as me.

Now what?

2008-09-11T16:39:00.001+01:00

There's something strange in the little water world. Not exactly sure what to make of it but it sure has big fins.

Strange around here

2008-09-09T22:12:00.002+01:00

You know, when you've been around the block a few times like I have then you've seen a few things. But I ain't never seen a brutha as weird as the little chubster. He's got the attention span of a flea and a mother complex you could float an aircraft carrier on and now he's obsessed with bugs. That and the cute little tortie down the road. Cute but seriously confused.

Anyway, I'm told that catblogging requires me to post a photo so here's one of my profile. Rather fetching if I say so myself.

My favourite!

2008-09-09T22:05:00.003+01:00

I love my crikkitz! Every day when Mr Man feeds Rodney I rush up to him and remind him of how I saved Rodney from his flying accident and then Mr Woman says "go on, let him have a crikkit!" And Mr Man always does! Mr Man always does what Mr Woman tells him to. So then I get to chase and pounce and eat! Crikkitz are great fun! They're nearly as good as stix.

Lissen to me

2008-09-08T08:41:00.006+01:00

My chubby lil buddy's been goin on about this blogging lark. Sez it's the best way to get food from the humans and he should know. That cat ain't starvin, if you catch my drift. Not like me. I need food. Gotta get mah biskits n meat. When you've been shaved in the unmentionables you get a mite chilly at nights and I needs me some central heatin.

Hang on, the chubster's squeakin down there again. Apparently I gotta tell the reader what's going down. Someone reads this? I wonder if they'll feed me if I look up hopefully at em. I'll try the silent approach, that usually works.

Warm and cozy

2008-09-05T09:05:00.001+01:00

Here in my bag, I'm warm and cozy.

He's back!

2008-09-02T07:43:00.004+01:00

Mr Indy came back home yesterday after spending ages seeing Dick the Vet and eating lots of Rock Pie. He hasn't said much about it but it must have been a wild holiday because he's had his hair shaved funny, like an Indyan with a Mohican and seems to have had piercings done.

Hopefully now he'll start sharing his food with me again so that Mr Woman can't feed me those horrible "low fat" nibbles. Yuck.

Living on the frontline

2008-08-27T19:36:00.004+01:00

Big Bob has a little problem it seems, cus, I got a note through the door today saying Big Bob's got fleeze!!!1! When I first got here I used to be scared of Big Bob and even called him Evil Bob because he would sit on MY window ledge and peer in at me. Now though I'm not scared any more even though he yowls a lot and has the biggest tummy I've ever seen. Even bigger than Brown Bear's tummy. Big Bob likes to lie on his back and then attack his own tummy sometimes, sort of like Mr Indy with his tail. Mr Indy's tail is so fluffy that every now and then it startles him and he has to defend himself against it.

I hope Mr Indy isn't having so much fun at Dick the vet's place that he doesn't want to come him. I miss playing Marmalise with him. And now Mr Woman's disappeared too. I think she's gone back to flatland. There's no one here now but Mr Man and he's spending all his time drinking beer, scratching himself and belching. Maybe he has fleeeze!!!1! too. If that's what they do to you I hope I never have any. I don't like thinking about rude body bits.

Anyway, I have to go now and start shouting at Mr Man until he stops looking at teh interwebs and pays attention to me.

Desperate pussy cat?

2008-08-24T11:18:00.004+01:00

This is Scamp cat on MY window ledge! I don't know what she's doing up there but she makes one heck of a racket and Mr Man keeps saying she "fancies" me. I know I am very fancy but that doesn't explain why she keeps hanging around and staring at me a lot. Mr Man keeps saying that she's "hot" and she's a "pussy cat" and then sniggering to himself. Well, stupid, I know she's a pussy cat and if she's hot she should cool down or something. Honestly, sometimes he's a bit into stating the obvious.

Anyway, rather oddly Mr Man was talking to her human a few days ago and said that I was "no good for her" as I had a "new tard." I didn't know I had a tard, let alone a new one. Perhaps it's in with my marbles, wherever they are.

Mr Woman says it's a shame as Scamp and I would have beautiful kittens. Mr Desh once explained about how to make kittens to me but it started to sound awful icky so I had to put my paws over my ears and start squeaking until he had finished. I wish Mr Desh was still around to explain about these things to me, especially now Mr Indy has gone away to see Dick the Vet where he keeps eating lots of pie.

Dick rings up every morning and says that Mr Indy is eating lots and living in an oxygen tent. Mr Indy gets all the fun. Since he's gone I've been trying to eats lot too but Mr Woman puts hardly any food down for me and it's gone in seconds. I think Scamp must be coming in and eating the rest. She must be a really hungry pussy cat. Now Mr Man's sniggering again. I'll never understand my humans.

Squeaking the blues

2008-08-22T16:38:00.003+01:00

I haven't had much chance to blog recently because I was worried about Mr Indy. He hadn't been quite right after his last fight with evil Hitler cat. He stopped enjoying playing "Marmalise" and then he started letting me eat his breakfast when Mr Woman wasn't looking.

Then, the pink cage of doom came out and took him away. (I have to whisper in case it hears me.) The first two times Mr Indy came back and he looked upset but never said a word. (Indy never says a word, period, due to his muteness. Helpfully, Mr Man.) Then on Wednesday he didn't come back and no matter where I look and no matter how much I squeak, he won't come back. So now I'm really worried and Mr Woman has bought some "light" biscuits for me and Mr Man keeps looking at me when he mentions his "chub key." I don't know what it all means and I suspect that there's some kettles and pots around here.

Anyway, some nice person called Dick the Vet keeps calling and I think Mr Indy's gone there for a while. I did hear something about Pie of the Rocks which sounds like it might be quite tasty so maybe that's why he wasn't eating his food because he liked the special pie.

Still, I wish he would come home. I've spent two nights in a row telling Mr Man and Mr Woman that he hasn't come back but they're not very bright and it's tiring me out. Though Mr Man just came back and now I'm sure I can smell cat face somewhere. I like cat face. Makes me sleepy and happy. Must go and lie on some nubbles. I like nubbles.

Saving Mister Indy!

2008-07-25T18:08:00.008+01:00

This is me hard at work providing intel for Mister Indy. As you can see, Evil Bob is invading. Mister Indy has his stealth suit on which is why he's invisible and he's depending on me to provide tactical support from back here.

In this next photo, I've moved to a better position to provide Mr Indy with the latest intelligence briefing.

Luckily my vigilance meant that Evil Bob's plans were thwarted. More next time.
Sorry about the delay but Mr Woman needed my attention. Anyway, after my hard work I retired to base camp to get some well-deserved R&R. Rather annoyingly, Mr Man insisted on taking photos.

Of course it was this point that I detected Evil Bob trying a flanking manoeuvre. Luckily for Mister Indy I had my catdar on full alert as you can see from this photo.

Thanks to my hard work, Evil Bob realised the game was up.

However, I was not going to rest on my laurels, no sireee, not me. When Ash is on the case, you can all sleep safe at night. No cat is going to evade my sensors.

Private Ash, signing off! Remember folks, be careful out there.

I'm gonna call him Mister Indy!!

2008-07-24T11:57:00.001+01:00

This is Indy, he must be very, very tired because he was out for two whole nights! I was quite worried at first because I thought maybe he had gone to see Mr Desh or something but when he came back I realised the truth. You see Hitler cat hasn't been around for two days either so Mister Indy must have been away fighting him in big adventures.
Of course, Mister Indy has taken a vow of silence so I can only go by clues but there was this big ark thing in the back yard in the morning and even Evil Bob (who tried to get in through the bedroom window last night) looked a bit shaken. So I reckon I know what he's been doing and I'm going to laugh at Hitler cat next time I see him. (From a safe distance, especially if the window's closed. Really tight.)
First though some extra sleeping because I had two bonus breakfasts when Mister Indy came back this morning and I'm feeling a bit full.

My hero!

2008-07-20T18:14:00.001+01:00

This is Indy. He's showing the evil, Hitler cat who is the boss even though the evil Hitler cat has two different lasers on! I'm standing on the window ledge cheering Indy on! He's my hero!

I is confused, but grateful

2008-07-17T20:02:00.006+01:00

My humans. I wish they'd make up their minds where they want to be. First, I was 'down South', living with Mr Desh. Then Mr Desh disappeared one night and I was an only cat. I didn't like that much, but I did get a lot more treats.

Then, they put me in a car and I have a scary ride to somewhere colder and wetter, with Unkle Sydney. I like Unkle Syd. He liked me pouncing on him and helping him to eat his tuna. I liked his tuna so much I got bigger. Then, just when I got brave enough to thump Unkle Sydney properly, they moved me again. Now I live in a flat. A flat what? I don't really understand. But there's lots of new cats around here. They're all bigger than me. There's Hitler Cat, but if I talk about him he might invade, so I won't say his name. Then there's Bob. Mr Woman thinks Bob might be the Evil Bob from Twin Peaks. Don't know what she's talking about though. This is Bob.

But yesterday they moved another cat in with me!!!1! Another cat!!!1! I'm not an only cat anymore. Do I like this? I don't know really. New Cat - sometimes he's called Basil, sometimes Baz and sometimes Indy. Wish my humans would make up their minds! But New Cat squared up to Bob. I did too. Mr Woman said I was like Brave Sir Robin. She said there was a song about Brave Sir Robin. Apparently he knows someone called Sir Kasm.

This is New Cat. I think I might like him. But he is a bit pretty and fluffy. Is he prettier and fluffier than me?

Hang on a minute!

2008-07-17T16:55:00.001+01:00

What's going on here then? I'm so discombulated by this that I don't have time for a photo.

THIS. IS. NOT. RIGHT!!!

I'M THE PRETTY ONE AROUND HERE!

I'M THE FLUFFY ONE!!!

AND WHY DOES MY FOOD KEEP DISAPPEARING??!!1!! TURN MY BACK FOR A MINUTE AND IT'S GONE!!!

My pronouncements

2008-07-16T14:36:00.002+01:00

Well Mr Man says that we have sacrificed a Virgin in order to get teh internetz back. Don't know exactly what that means but Mr Desh once said that I was a virgin and always would be. I don't want to be sacrificed though. I'm too young and pretty for that.

I've also decided that I need to change the blog name. I was going to call it "Ash's sparkly blog of fluffy prettiness" but Mr Desh cuffed me from beyond the bridge so I've decided to call it "Not Just Ash & Deshar" instead. It's a bit boring I know. Thing is, Mr Woman keeps going on about some one called Basil who's apparently very fluffy. I've never seen a fluffy human before. Except when Mr Man doesn't get clipped for more than two weeks because then he looks like something Mr Woman calls a "bo-ho."

Those are my thoughts for the day. Now I need to look for tuna. Ever since I left Uncle Sydney behind I haven't been able to share his tuna. It's not right when a cat as pretty as me doesn't get 2nd breakfast.

I wonder if he misses me?

2008-07-13T16:18:00.001+01:00

This is my last photo of Uncle Sydney. We had 10 weeks of all sorts of fun together. We shared his food and played lots and lots of kill uncle Sydney - his favourite game! But a few days ago Mr Man and Mr Woman went away in the morning and these STRANGE humans came in the door and said hello to "Sidders." I thought it was only me who could call him that. It was very worrying because I thought that maybe my humans had run off and abandoned me!!! I kept wishing Mr Desh was there to tell me what to do. Luckily they came back and put me in the scary pink cage.

Now I'm a morningside cat. Don't really know what that means but apparently only very, very posh cats live here. Except for Hitler cat. I thought he was going to be my friend because he looked just like Uncle Sydney. Hitler cat is evil though. He invaded my bedroom yesterday and made me hide beneath the bed. Even big, furry Bob who comes and sniffs at my front door sometimes doesn't like Hitler cat.

Oh, Mr Man says I have to finish this quickly before the Why-fy police lock him up. But Mr Woman's been talking about someone called Basil who is going to be my friend. I've never had a friend called Basil before. I'll have to tell you more when I find out.

In trouble now

2008-07-11T08:45:00.001+01:00

Uh oh Brown Bear has told me off for not blogging enough which isn't fair because it's all Mr Man's fault. Mr Man broke teh internets and made me move to Morningside where there's no Uncle Sidney for me to play with then kept me prisoner inside for hours and hours and hours. Mr Woman was nice though and let me go out.

I like out. Except.

Hitler cat.

Hitler cat is mean and keeps calling me Poland even though my name is Ash.

Anyway, I have to type in small letters because apparently Mr Man's borrowing someone's why-fy, whatever that is and it could go down any moment. So I'm squeaking at him (Mr Man takes dictation) really quickly in case Brown bear tells me off again.

Hoots

2008-05-30T12:46:00.003+01:00

Uncle Sydney hoots quite often. Usually when he wants tuna or ham. Uncle Sydney always wants tuna or ham. I like living with Uncle Sydney, even though he's always hitting me, because he likes sharing his tuna and ham with me so I get lots more than I ever did before.

I wonder if Uncle Sydney's really an owl cat. Owlcats hoot and are always bad tempered, at least they look bad tempered. I haven't seen Uncle Sydney fly. He did jump a little bit once but he broke the floor when he landed and made all the dogs in the area bark.

Mother! What happened?!?

2008-05-28T16:40:00.003+01:00

Pause to sleep

2008-05-26T20:46:00.003+01:00

I am feeling very sleepy today. Last night I battled with monsters and demons to keep the humans safe while they slept. I don't want to alarm them though, so I slept very carefully all day to conserve my energy.

Of course, Mr Woman had to keep picking me up and checking if everything was ok then squeezing me to make sure so that didn't help. Luckily Mr Man's "on the bru" (whatever that means) which means he just sleeps all day like me and hangs around in his "chav" gear. And cos Mr Woman clipped him last night, his hair is no longer loud and bushy so he doesn't make any noise when he glides around the house. So I got lots of sleeping done.

Apart from the "shower." It's bad enough when the humans almost drown themselves each morning but when Mr Man decided to do it this afternoon I had to rush into the room after him and yell until he came out safely. Silly Mr Man! Why can't he just lick himself dry like a normal person?

Jaws

2008-05-25T18:32:00.001+01:00

Uncle Sydney does have an awfully large mouth.

My belly is magnificent!

2008-05-25T18:26:00.001+01:00

Don't know what those two humans see in that skinny, little grey thing. See this, jimmy? This belly is where it's at. There are yaks that would kill for a belly like this.

Hootsmonland

2008-05-12T15:10:00.008+01:00

This is me lying on the grass in Hootsmonland.
Mr Desh told me that the grass here would be tartunn coloured but it looks green to me. I've never had my own grass before. I like to use to keep Mr Woman fit by chasing after a piece of stick that she runs around with.

I do miss Mr. Desh. I've tried playing "murder Unkulcat Sydney" but he doesn't quite understand the rules of the game. I never used to know what an unkulcat was but I think it must be one that's very big and makes a lot of noise and gets fed nothing but tuna and ham then likes to lie around a lot. This is unkulcat Sydney. He's BIIIG!!

He also likes to talk a lot. Last time I wanted to play "Murder Unkulcat Sydney" he said "No" but it didn't mean "ok, in a minute then." They must speak a different language up here.

Still, me and the Unkulcat will be great friends soon and have lots of adventures in micespace. I just know it. This is me and Sidders (that's what I like to call him when he's asleep) sniffing noses just like the bestest of friends.

Finally, here's me keeping Mr Man warm. Apparently Mr Man has bought a bicycle so that he doesn't "end up like Sydney." I guess that means he's worried about losing a tooth and smelling of tuna.

It isn't easy being an only cat

2008-04-18T12:04:00.002+01:00

I have to work so hard that I'm tired out now. The problem is, you see, that ever since Mr. Desh went away Mr Man and Mr Woman are very upset and have become very forgetful. I do love them but they're not really all that clever. You wouldn't believe how long it takes them to understand the simplest things I'm trying to say. Sometimes I have to repeat myself over and over for ages!!!1!

So, since Mr Desh had gone I worked extra hard as an alarm cat to make sure they didn't miss their work. Every morning at 4am, even before the sun came up, I would go into the bedroom and tell them that they didn't have long before the alarm went off and when that didn't work - it never did, Mr Man would always pretend to be asleep rather but he didn't fool me - I would have to jump on the bed and poke them in the face over and over and over. Daft Mr Man and Mr Woman! What's more, they kept accidentally closing the cat door so I couldn't get out.

Then a few days later they kept forgetting to open the bedroom door all night so I had to shout extra loud and knock at the door until Mr Woman came out. Mr Woman always come out. I think Mr Man must have hearing problems.

Then you know what? Now they keep accidentally locking me in the living room at night!!!1! I mean, come on. I know they aren't the smartest stix in the bundle but that takes the biscuit. I have to really, really shout now until Mr Woman comes down. If I don't shout then they'll miss work and they wouldn't like that. But it does tire me out. It's hard work shouting so loud for so long and then I have to play with them in the morning and pretend to chase the flying mouse.

Is it any wonder I'm so tired?

By the way, before I get back to sleep, does anyone out there know where Hootsmonland is? Mr Man keeps saying Uncle Sidney's there and "he'll soon teach Ash the meaning of 'no'." Except I know what no means it means "in a minute." Unless Mr Woman says it and then it means "in a few seconds." I don't think I'll ever understand my humans.

I heard Mr Man mentioning putting a collar on me #2

2008-04-08T13:55:00.004+01:00

Since Mr Desh isn't here anymore, I've been making enough noise for two, just so Mr Man and Mr Woman don't get lonely. And I've been bringing them presents - I found a birdie yesterday but Mr Man took it away and then let it go and then started talking about a collar for me. I remember Mr Desh getting a collar with bells on - can I have one of those, plz? A pink one? With sparkles? ooooooooooooooooooooooooooocanIpleasepleasepleaseI'll
bringyoubirdieseverydayifyoudooooooooooooo

I heard Mr Man mentioning putting a collar on me

2008-04-07T09:55:00.001+01:00

Ashes to Ashes

2008-04-01T12:34:00.002+01:00

I heard Mr. Woman say that Mr. Desh is coming back tomorrow. I know it won't be the real Mr Desh because he's gone to the Rainbow Bridge because he doesn't have to spend any calories there. Apparently Mr Desh is going to help Shima grow a hazel tree when we go to Hootsmonland, wherever that is. Mr Desh will like that because he likes eating plants because they don't run away. Me, I like chasing bugs because it's exciting and they enjoy playing being pounced on and then afterwards Mr Man and Mr Woman can feed them to Rodney.

Rodney scares me. Sometimes I see him looking at me and opening his mouth. Even Mr Desh's mouth wasn't as big as Rodney's mouth and Rodney can fly.

Tired now. Been working hard in the mornings. I know Mr Man and Mr Woman are still really upset about Mr Desh and I've made it my job to get up as soon as it's light and go into the bedroom and let them know I'm still here to look after them so they have nothing to worry about. I even pat them on the face sometimes just to make them feel better. That's how big and strong I am. I do miss Mr Desh though. Still, apparently when we go to Hootsmonland I'll meet my Uncle Sydney. I didn't know I had an Uncle Sydney. I wonder if likes playing Marmalise.

Goodbye, beautiful.

2008-03-18T16:45:00.008Z

A break in the blog, to say goodbye.

Magnificent cat. The happiest, most peaceful and blissed cat we ever knew.
You are loved.

Adfor et gaudete

Deshar - March 18, 2008

2008-03-18T16:45:00.003Z

Ash, if you mention the Rainbow Bridge don't imagine I won't find a way to cuff you.

To you all, goodbye now.

Taught Alarm Cat all he knows

2008-03-03T13:57:00.000Z

Grammar Cat

2008-02-29T09:46:00.002Z

See Ash, there are still some cats out there who prize notions such as grammar and using all the vowels.

Taking precautions

2008-02-27T16:38:00.001Z

"Agent Orange" reporting from the field. Have taken cover in a protective place. Strange things happened last night. The earth moved. At first I thought it was Ash's hurdies making the ground shake - that cat can pack away a lot of food into those inflatable hurdies of his - but no, it was something far more mysterious. I suspect that it is to do with this mysterious "Edinburgh" project that the humans are working on. It seems to require them to drink copious amounts of that red stuff they call wine and to hang around the door asking passers-by if they want to view the house. I mean, these passers-by aren't blind so presumably they can view the house without problem.

It's a conspiracy. It has something to do with tartan, the kind of mystery meat products that even I would think twice about eating and much chanting of the mantra "Donal, wurz yer troosers?" Don't know what the language is but I suspect it's related to "cthulhu phatgn" and "Ia, Ia Shubniggurath."

I tell you, something's going on.

"Agent Orange" signing off.

Rodney speaks

2008-02-25T15:18:00.003Z

When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

Rodney

2008-02-22T08:15:00.003Z

Fear is the mother of morality.

We are the guppy cloud

2008-02-18T12:10:00.004Z

Very, very nervous guppy cloud.
We sing a song of "wtf?!?"
We are the guppy cloud
We fight monsters!!1!
brave, brave, brave
is the guppy cloud.

It is strange

2008-02-15T21:23:00.001Z

Mr Desh is right. It is all neat and tidy around here. Normally I'm the only one who is neat and tidy because I like to sit perfectly, all lined up and then I rub onions in my eyes to make them glisten and Mr. Woman feeds me lots and lots of hammm!!1! and everything else but now everything's neat. Even Mr. Desh got brushed yesterday.

Source of knowledge

2008-02-15T21:15:00.002Z

I'm going to ask Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat knows everything. I don't know what mass toe beating is because I don't have toes but Mr Man has an itchy foot so I bet that's related somehow. I was going to ask the humans in the bedroom yesterday evening but Mr. Desh stopped me and covered my eyes. Mr. Desh is strange sometimes.

Must be vigilant

2008-02-15T21:07:00.002Z

They've taken the delicious red flowers and replaced them with this. Everything's neat and tidy. Too neat. Too tidy.

Mysterious

2008-02-15T21:05:00.001Z

Although the cat of little brain is usually needlessly alarmed by the smallest thing - I mean what is it about him and his fear of long skirts? What is all that about? Being scared of long skirts and living with "Mr Woman" is up there with living in Edinburgh and not liking the cold but I digress, something unusual is happening. I had to spend ages today watching two strangers in the backyard through the secret cat flap that only Ash and I know about. Once they had finished making an awful racket there was this strange, new, white door blocking my path to the adventure playground and outside toilet next door. Very strange. Why do the humans want me to climb walls and why do they keep tidying me away. Soon as I get into a good, comfortable heap of legs some other cushion or bed or blanket disappears. Something's going on, all the walls are whiter and strange, tall men insist on patting me on the head.

I have a bad feeling about this. Better stock up on the calories. Change is coming, Ash.

Hoots mon?

2008-02-14T15:58:00.003Z

Mr Desh, why is there a thing on the house?
Mr Desh, why is everything so neat and tidy in here?
Mr Desh, why do they keep hiding our cat toys? Don't they want to play with us any more?
Mr Desh, why do people keep coming round and measuring things?
Mr Desh why did you eat all three of my breakfasts yesterday? Is that why you couldn't move?
Mr. Desh, why does Mr. Man keep practicising saying "hoots mon?"
Mr Desh, what is a mon?
Mr Desh, why ow! Mr De ow! Mr Desh, why are you going out of the catflap?
Mr Desh. Mr Desh! MR DESH!!!

Oh noes! I'm being squeezed again!

2007-12-18T20:38:00.000Z

Svelte

2007-12-18T19:09:00.000Z

Rather strangely, Mr Woman has been saying that I am getting chunky so I just wanted to prove that I can still fit into this belt. If anything, I'm underfed. Haven't had hammm!!1! for days. Then again, they did send me to THAT PLACE again. How could they do such a thing?

Tell me something I don't know

2007-11-26T17:32:00.000Z

Yes, "Mr Man" I am perfectly aware that my bed has fallen over. I'm sure it would be awfully "cute" if you didn't have to sleep in it all afternoon. I mean, if you want to do something that is actually useful with those handy-dandy opposable thumbs of yours that you think so highly of then...
...sigh...
why even bother?

Do you want me to go and chase some shiny lights for you now?

Better than chikkun!!1!

2007-11-11T12:28:00.000Z

Hammmm!!!1!!11!!!

OMG. The humans had hammm today and I got some. Hammm is the best thing in the world. It's pink and it's meat! When I hang from Mr. Woman's waist with all my claws she screams in delight and feeds me even more hammm. Hammm is best when you can put more in your mouth while you're still eating some other hammm. I could eat hammm for ever.

I'm very tired now though. Mr. Man lifted me off the safety step after he said something about breaking his "fricking" neck. Didn't know he had one of those. Maybe that's why his voice is all funny and squeaky and he smells of "Tee Sea Pee". Now I'm curled up in a corner at the top of the stairs and feeling all pink on the inside.

I love hammm! Nearly as much as Mr Woman but Mr Woman feeds me lots of hammm so I have to love her more. She does pick me up and squeeze me a lot and call me "little cat" but that's ok because I get more hammm that way.

Being me

2007-11-11T12:22:00.000Z

Cat of little brain has headed off to the safety step, the humans are busy "getting clean" (what an odd concept) and I haven't been bothered by either of the ginger tarts for ages. Finally I can get on with doing what I do best. Bliss.

Behind the curtain

2007-11-07T19:14:00.000Z

Back when I was just a little cat, Mr. Desh once said to me "it looks like it's curtains for your mother," just a couple of days before she disappeared. I always wondered what he meant by that then, yesterday, I found these curtains and when I shove my head deep into them it's like I can still smell her. So now I go and sit in them and burrow in to them and soon, I'm sure, soon she'll be back. My mother!

Why me?

2007-10-30T20:12:00.000Z

So there I was minding my own business, getting some downtime and preserving my calories when, of course, cat of little brain had to but in. Is it so much to ask for just a little peace and quiet. I mean, I had even managed to find a nicely fragrant chair to spread my glorious fur upon and whammo up comes Ash. He may look little but he's "solid" in a Ray Winstone way. Goodness only knows how he managed to perch on the edge. Then, to make the morning complete, here comes "Mr. Man" to flash bright lights in my eyes.

Sheesh. If I weren't an atheist I would think that god hates me.

Finger likken good!

2007-10-29T08:10:00.000Z

Gotta have CHIKKEN!!1!

Uh oh!

2007-10-28T15:03:00.000Z

Mr Woman bought Mr Man a new click and flash thing for his "birthday." I was trying to sleep so that I could ignore the hunger pangs oh I am so hungry and I can smell CHIKKUN!!1!. It's in the hot place, sitting there, smelling so good. I went to guard the hot place so that no one could steal the CHIKKUN!!1! but Mr Woman and Mr Man kept flashing the thing at me. Made my eyes sore. Everywhere I go now, they follow me and flash. Even Mr Desh got flashed a few times. He doesn't mind though, he just kept on sleeping. How can he sleep when there's CHIKKUN!!1! in the hot place?

I did ask him what a "birthday" is? It seemed to require the humans to drink some of that awful red stuff they call whyne and sometimes it makes Mr. Woman do something they call "Interpretative Dance" to the loud noise. Deshar likes the loud noise because it reminds him of pea soup. Anyway, I asked Mr Desh about "birthdays" and he said that they are special days when cats have to be silent for 24 hours and that mine was coming up soon! In fact, Mr Desh said I was special because every day of my life is a birthday. I don't like birthdays. If it was up to me, birthdays would be cancelled and we would have CHIKKUN!!1! days instead. Then I could eat CHIKKUN!!1! every day. I would like that. Maybe if I look at Mr Woman hopefully and purr a lot and point my tail at the CHIKKUN!!1! she'll give me some. Mr Woman loves me. Mr Man always eats all of his CHIKKUN!!1! but Mr Woman always saves some for me because I love her so much and she feeds it to me when Mr Man isn't looking.

I wonder why humans don't have to be quiet during their birthdays and why Mr Woman always points at the ceiling and whirls around when she's doing the "interpretative dancing?" Humans are strange.

I wasn't always called Ash

2007-10-26T21:55:00.000+01:00

Back when I was only small my mum used to call me "Gnotnow." She would lie on her back and when I poked her she would just say my name. That always made me feel special because no matter how tired she was she would always say my name. Mr. Desh sometimes says she called me "Pest" but that's cause my mum always got her p's and b's mixed up. This video is just like her. Mr. Desh thinks she must have run off to You Tube to do kittypron just like they said on the Jeremy Kyle show at the holiday home. I didn't like the holiday home but at least they let me watch television all day there.

Before anyone says anything

2007-10-26T20:38:00.000+01:00

No, Ash, I am not a "neandercat". I am not "flame-haired", "ginger" or "orange." I am, technically, a very rare mix of honey and cinnamon. And no, you're not an neandercat either. They were quite highly evolved.

The misery of it all

2007-10-16T21:05:00.000+01:00

There is someone out there more miserable than me! Mr Desh said there had to be, and there is! Am I happy about that? Am I? I don't know. I think I want to cry now.

Strange angles

2007-10-04T20:22:00.000+01:00

See I can do fancy pointing too.

As things ought to be

2007-10-04T20:12:00.000+01:00

For once the humans are treating me properly. Shoulder position allows me to move from A to B with minimal calorie expenditure.

This is a good thing.

hello!

2007-10-03T16:49:00.000+01:00

I'm down here!

Feed me!
Hungry here!

There is hope!

2007-10-03T15:39:00.000+01:00

I had begun to think that there were no other intelligent cats in the world, that perhaps they were all like Ash, that everywhere one turned there would be ktpsk and cutesy stuff and the rainbow bridge. All I wanted was the occasional incisive comment and a healthy dose of sarcasm. I tried explaining sarcasm to Ash once but there wasn't enough glitter involved and he wandered off half-way through the fourth word. sigh.

Then, today, I discovered Psycho Kitty. OK, it's not a promising name but I think I've finally found someone who tells it like it is. Someone who also has endure what I have to endure. He has humans who feed him erratically and an annoying cat that the female coos over day and night.

The squirrels look crunchy too.

The only thing that confuses me is his reference to a "massive manhood." Tiddles always used to go on about his massive manhood until after his trip to the "vet". Then he started to collect pink ribbons instead. All very strange.

I don't understand!

2007-09-30T22:13:00.000+01:00

Mr Woman says Mr Man's coming home tomorrow! But she says he's not Mr Man any longer - he's Dr Man now. Doctor Man? Has he turned into a vet? What's happened? She says we've got to wash behind our ears and sit neatly for him when he comes in. Why? Why does he want to see us washing our ears?

She says we've got to be clean and perfect. Does she want us to look like this? It's clean, but not very kwl.

Paws crossed for Mr Man

2007-09-28T08:58:00.000+01:00

Mr Woman has sent all our good luck away, so we're hiding, in case something bad happens while we're not looking. She says Mr Man needs it all today and we've to keep our paws crossed for him. Will this do? We just want Mr Man to come home again. He's coming home with a pee itch dee. Does he really want one of those? It sounds sore.

Maybe he's at the vet again.

Good Luck, Mr Man!