Living on the frontline

Big Bob has a little problem it seems, cus, I got a note through the door today saying Big Bob's got fleeze!!!1! When I first got here I used to be scared of Big Bob and even called him Evil Bob because he would sit on MY window ledge and peer in at me. Now though I'm not scared any more even though he yowls a lot and has the biggest tummy I've ever seen. Even bigger than Brown Bear's tummy. Big Bob likes to lie on his back and then attack his own tummy sometimes, sort of like Mr Indy with his tail. Mr Indy's tail is so fluffy that every now and then it startles him and he has to defend himself against it.

I hope Mr Indy isn't having so much fun at Dick the vet's place that he doesn't want to come him. I miss playing Marmalise with him. And now Mr Woman's disappeared too. I think she's gone back to flatland. There's no one here now but Mr Man and he's spending all his time drinking beer, scratching himself and belching. Maybe he has fleeeze!!!1! too. If that's what they do to you I hope I never have any. I don't like thinking about rude body bits.

Anyway, I have to go now and start shouting at Mr Man until he stops looking at teh interwebs and pays attention to me.

Desperate pussy cat?

This is Scamp cat on MY window ledge! I don't know what she's doing up there but she makes one heck of a racket and Mr Man keeps saying she "fancies" me. I know I am very fancy but that doesn't explain why she keeps hanging around and staring at me a lot. Mr Man keeps saying that she's "hot" and she's a "pussy cat" and then sniggering to himself. Well, stupid, I know she's a pussy cat and if she's hot she should cool down or something. Honestly, sometimes he's a bit into stating the obvious.

Anyway, rather oddly Mr Man was talking to her human a few days ago and said that I was "no good for her" as I had a "new tard." I didn't know I had a tard, let alone a new one. Perhaps it's in with my marbles, wherever they are.

Mr Woman says it's a shame as Scamp and I would have beautiful kittens. Mr Desh once explained about how to make kittens to me but it started to sound awful icky so I had to put my paws over my ears and start squeaking until he had finished. I wish Mr Desh was still around to explain about these things to me, especially now Mr Indy has gone away to see Dick the Vet where he keeps eating lots of pie.

Dick rings up every morning and says that Mr Indy is eating lots and living in an oxygen tent. Mr Indy gets all the fun. Since he's gone I've been trying to eats lot too but Mr Woman puts hardly any food down for me and it's gone in seconds. I think Scamp must be coming in and eating the rest. She must be a really hungry pussy cat. Now Mr Man's sniggering again. I'll never understand my humans.

Squeaking the blues

I haven't had much chance to blog recently because I was worried about Mr Indy. He hadn't been quite right after his last fight with evil Hitler cat. He stopped enjoying playing "Marmalise" and then he started letting me eat his breakfast when Mr Woman wasn't looking.

Then, the pink cage of doom came out and took him away. (I have to whisper in case it hears me.) The first two times Mr Indy came back and he looked upset but never said a word. (Indy never says a word, period, due to his muteness. Helpfully, Mr Man.) Then on Wednesday he didn't come back and no matter where I look and no matter how much I squeak, he won't come back. So now I'm really worried and Mr Woman has bought some "light" biscuits for me and Mr Man keeps looking at me when he mentions his "chub key." I don't know what it all means and I suspect that there's some kettles and pots around here.

Anyway, some nice person called Dick the Vet keeps calling and I think Mr Indy's gone there for a while. I did hear something about Pie of the Rocks which sounds like it might be quite tasty so maybe that's why he wasn't eating his food because he liked the special pie.

Still, I wish he would come home. I've spent two nights in a row telling Mr Man and Mr Woman that he hasn't come back but they're not very bright and it's tiring me out. Though Mr Man just came back and now I'm sure I can smell cat face somewhere. I like cat face. Makes me sleepy and happy. Must go and lie on some nubbles. I like nubbles.